


Scars

by sadlyflavoured



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Late Night Writing, M/M, Might be OOC, Suicidal Thoughts, aged up Dib, sorry - Freeform, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:29:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22962439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadlyflavoured/pseuds/sadlyflavoured
Summary: Dib's feeling particularly shitty but that fades quickly when a certain someone breaks into his house in the middle of the night.
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 115





	Scars

No matter what way he looked at it, Dib Membrane was very alone. At first, he was completely fine with the others not being able to understand what he could and he was fine with being told he were some ‘weird freak’ for believing in the things people couldn’t start to comprehend; but eventually, Dib found himself starting to wish there was just one person on his side for once. He wished that, just for once, someone could finally believe him and join forces with him to stop the looming danger of the world ending by the hands of a very short-fused alien; but as he slowly grew up, he realized he might never have that wish come true. Maybe he was just bound to be alone, forever. 

For years, the books with the protagonist of one singular person inspired him until they slowly became a bitter reminder that his life was sadly no book and there was no guarantee of a happy ending. He used to idolize the characters that worked alone, the characters who always saw the difference in the world, until he too realized that there was a huge difference between him and some character. 

For too many years, Dib would have all sorts of sore knuckles and nasty bruises—sometimes even broken limps when things got too careless—and often found that there was no one to make all the hurt just a bit number; that was probably one of the hardest parts for him, having no one to lean on when things hurt so bad. 

And the isolation from his father had been less than helpful as he grew to spite the adult man who had hardly done anything to contribute to his life or feelings, Dib wanted so badly to hold onto hope that maybe just maybe his family could see things the way he did. But hoping, or wishing for that matter, wasn’t very scientific; and where Professor Membrane left off, Gaz filled with a sour mess of constant teasing and bullying. 

Long story short, Dib was practically the odd one out no matter where he went or who he was with. 

On the particularly lonely nights, Dib wished he had some sort of machine to erase his memory of Zim and all sorts of other ‘weird’ things in order to fit in with everyone else. He constantly fought with himself on how he felt that he was the only one who knew that an alien was so close to taking everything from them with a flick of a wrist and he could almost never decide if he would be willing to let it happen or not. Sometimes it was and most times it wasn’t. 

Although, even if Dib was able to save the Earth, who would thank him? It was thoughts like those that made him so conflicted with everything, his morals and his own faint desires. If Zim were to be captured, would he be seen as a misunderstood hero? Or would the Government take his discovery away without any credit, only to hide the evidence? But considering how all things went here, Dib knew that even if he had the most undeniable proof of all time, no one would believe him. 

It was all so tiring… 

Blinking away the suddenly blurry vision, shaky hands rose to wipe them away harshly as an unsupported breath suddenly sucked in. Dib had been staring at his ceiling with the overwhelmingly depressing feelings surrounding him in the form of thin covers, his body had been spread all across his bed in attempt to get comfortable though it felt futile nonetheless. 

Tilting his head, the raven haired teenager glared a long pitiful look at the barely visible scars that had begun to form all over his arms. It had become a nasty habit, a cowardly way to hide from the facts of life, and it was certainly not something he was very proud of. It always made his stomach churn and his nose scrunch whenever he looked at the pale edges that ran in all sorts of lengths, it was disgusting, but what else was he supposed to do? At this point, his emotional outlet seemed to be limited. 

Straightening his head to look back at the ceiling, Dib let out a troubled sigh and closed his eyes, ignoring the warm sorrow that fell down his cheeks. 

Sleep had become yet another thing Dib picked up as a bad habit, although it had always been around since he was little it seemed so much worse now that there was so much on his mind all the time. The light shadow under his eyes, terribly pale skin, and a very light weight body did very little to stop the teasing around him as he became constantly called a ‘ghoul’. It was laughable when all the others came to pick on him all at once, as if it was the normal thing to do. 

Everything felt terrible and the vague thought of doing something regrettable continued to plague his mind, feeling completely useless to the emotions that overtook any sort of reason. Everything just felt so bad…

He probably would’ve sorrowed further in his thoughts if it hadn’t been for the soft but constant sound of something hitting his glass window. He considered leaving the noise alone as right now things didn’t particularly matter, but it happened to be a very annoying sort of tapping. Quick but quiet. 

Rolling his eyes and quickly putting on his oval glasses, Dib slowly rolled out of bed and momentarily just stood in place as he listened to the noise. Glancing over at his clock, the red digits read it to be 12:30AM. 

Running a hand through his messy thick hair, Dib sucked in a heavy breath and walked to his bedroom window. Although before he had the chance to see what had been making the noise, something crashed through glass and forced him land on his back a good reach away. 

Grunting at the glass shards that pierced into his skin, Dib moved his arm from eye view and saw that a small creature had let himself in. Zim. 

Large cranberry colored eyes glared sternly into amber, gloved claws gripping onto bony shoulders and large rounded teeth showed off in a nasty snarl. Zim certainly wasn’t coming just to stop by. 

“What the hell!? You broke my window!” Dib yelled, pushing the short Irken off of him and scrambling on his feet to stand.

“Well, you should have thought about that before stealing from me!!” Zim screamed even louder, thin antennas bared back with irritation. 

“I’ll say, it was very smart of you what you have done, but Zim is smarter! I noticed that a thingy was missing, and I quickly figured out just who would get a kick from stealing from me! But _who_ has the kick now, hm?” Zim monologued, dusting his dark-pink tunic of any glass before standing with hands very dominantly placed behind his back. 

“I haven’t stolen anything from you, Zim” Dib stated tiredly, walking around the tense alien to sit back on his bed. “And can you keep it down? You’ll wake the whole house up” 

“It is only natural the enemy denies such claims but, as I mentioned before, I AM ZIM and Zim is always one step ahead of The Dib!!”

Glancing up and down on the slouched boy, Zim quickly picked up on the atmosphere being strangely thick but brushed it off. He came here on a mission to get his thingy back, whatever the thingy really was, and he absolutely wouldn’t get distracted. 

“Now, give it to me” Zim stated, stretching his hands out for the unnamed object back. 

“I told you, I don’t have it” Dib repeated, although softer now. “Look, I really…don’t feel like doing this right now.”

“ _Oh?_ You _don’t_ have my thingy?” Zim quirked smugly, antennas rising, “If that’s the case, then I’ll be staying here for the night. Just to observe” 

“Why?” 

“BECAUSE! If you did steal my thingy, which you _did_ do, then you’ll undoubtedly want to back-trace it to find out more of my absolutely diabolical plans!” 

Dib rolled his eyes, bumping his glasses further on his nose and sneering quietly. Zim was right, if he did have whatever it was he’d probably be fiddling with it now, in fact that sounded way nicer than being a sad sack of flesh and bones. 

“Fine” Remarked Dib, carefully folding his glasses and setting them down on his bedside table as he moved to get more comfortable on his bed. 

He didn’t feel completely safe with letting himself completely lay down, so he just leaned up against the wall with his legs hanging down from his bed. Even if Zim’s eyes were strictly locked on him, Dib wasn’t going to let that stop him from getting relaxed.

“Feeling cocky?” Dib questioned, raising an eyebrow and a smile just barely pulling at his lips.

“If cocky means I know I’m right, then yes” Zim hissed, crossing his arms and tightening his tense stance. 

“So…You’re just going to stand there and watch me?” 

“Was the Dib-Stink not listening!? I’m standing here until you give me that thingy or until I see you pull it out!” 

Rolling his eyes and scoffing to himself, Dib quickly concluded that he wasn’t going to be sitting upright the entire night. Zim, most likely, wasn’t going to kill him in his sleep nor did Dib actually plan on getting sleep. 

Moving to lay down completely, Dib gave a passing glance to Zim once more before turning his back on the Irken. 

“What are you doing?” Zim asked, his tone curious yet stubborn.

“Sleeping.”

Unsatisfied with the answer, the Irken abruptly grabbed the human's arm and with a quick movement, he had Dib sitting up once more with his latex-gloved claws nearly digging into the flesh of said human’s shoulders. 

"You stole MY thingy and then assume I will let you SLEEP!?” He screeched at the human. 

Despite the scalding (and unreasonable) irritation coursing through him, Zim’s eyes suddenly caught a glimpse of the strange pattern of pale stripes across Dib’s arms. His fingers automatically let go and roughly grabbed at Dib’s arm, holding it up to get a better view of the newfound interest. He had never seen stripes on a human before. 

Staring at the various lines on his arm, looking almost like a meteor shower that danced across his forearm, Zim was completely captivated. 

"What battle have you fought to get these?" Zim motioned by giving Dib's arm a small shake.

Dib mumbled a sorry excuse and attempted to move his arm away, but Zim’s grip and expression tightened, the Irken was far too concentrated on the subject matter to just drop it. 

“Zim will tell you a secret. On Irk, scars are very _very_ rare. If an Irken has a scar, it means they’ve gone through something so brave, so admirable. Our bodies heal so easily, but once there’s too scary of a scar, it never heals over; therefore respectable” Zim stated, his voice at a comfortingly low tone. “I don’t admire you, Dib…But, with so many, I’m _interested_ ”

“Well, don’t be” Dib snarled suddenly, struggling against the gloves. “Humans scar a lot easier than Irkens. And having wounds isn’t exactly cool here either” 

“I asked you how you got these, now give me an answer” Zim snapped back, tugging back at the arm roughly. 

Considering his choices here, Dib didn’t exactly have any wiggle room. Zim was like a rich family’s child, always getting whatever he wants or making sure he gets it in the end. It was easier (and less painful) if he just gave what Zim wanted. 

“I did it myself” Dib whispered, glancing away with a newfound embarrassment. 

“Yourself..” Zim echoed, his antennas bobbing slowly as he ran a finger across the many now-closed wounds. “Why?” 

“Because it’s the only thing I know to do, sometimes. Things…aren’t easy, they never have been and it’s always been me against everything. It’s just a selfish way of me venting my frustrations on myself” 

“That’s so dumb!” Zim suddenly exclaimed, “-No, not dumb. _Pathetic!_ Wallowing in your self-pity is the only thing stopping you from doing something yet you’re too pathetic to see it!” 

Zim heavily expected Dib to snap back at him, but there was no sort of snarky remark or attempt to put up a verbal fight. When Dib sat there in a depressing silence with a faraway stare, Zim suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable and—dare he say it—almost regretted saying it; he knew that Dib could take on a lot of what Zim threw, but it seemed so much sadder when Dib didn’t put up some fight. 

Zim opened his mouth to say something but quickly shut it as Dib beat him to the punch.

“I know…I’m horribly pathetic, _selfish_ , dumb and whatever the hell else you can think of. Truthfully, I’ve never liked myself and just…” Dib gave a shaky sigh, his words starting to grow wet. “It’s really hard wanting to live as myself sometimes” 

“You’re craving death?” Zim questioned, antennas now perked in concern. “Humans are so fragile, so much more fragile than my kind. And your technology isn’t advanced enough to bring someone back, should they need to…If you died, you’d never be able to come back”

“That’s kinda the point” 

Zim didn’t like it. He didn’t like the very idea that Dib would one day never come to fight him, he didn’t like that he’d never be able to monologue about his evilness without someone to listen and he hated the idea of Dib dying by anyone else’s hands but his own. It was unacceptable.

“Well, it’s not allowed! Only ZIM can be the one to make you suffer!” Zim yelled, grabbing Dib by the shoulders and shaking him. “You will not take the victory away from me, understand!? You will live until I destroy you myself!” 

“But—”

“No, no times for buts!!”

Dib let out a heavy sigh and rolled his eyes, there was just no winning with Zim…But the idea of living just for the sake of Zim’s victory, it didn’t sound as bitter as he would’ve thought it to be. He struggled with finding motivation to do..well anything, but with Zim giving him such a thorough reason, it felt nice. In a way, Dib knew that Zim struggled to speak out the softer feelings and he understood that it was just his way of saying he’d miss him if he died. 

“On Irk, it’s seen as a large insult if an enemy dies before we kill them. It’s brutal, sure, but it’s just how our customs work. And while I’m sadly not on my planet, I will still follow the rules therefore you will do the same!” 

Zim cupped his hands around Dib’s face and threateningly pulled his face close, eyes half-lidded and lips pulled back in an angry snarl. He was going to make his point and he was going to make sure Dib knew his place. 

Dib sighed and closed his eyes, leaning further into Zim’s cool touch. 

“Alright…I’ll try.."

**Author's Note:**

> So, I haven't really been feeling all that well recently (because depression is just so fun! ☆) and decided to write this as a vent thing. I dunno, I might delete this later. 
> 
> Sorry if there's any spelling/grammar errors and I hope you enjoyed xoxo ♡


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